Positive Thinking is a MUST

alittlepositivitylogo_new1First off…I’m sorry its been a while since my last post. Life seems to be getting in the way a little more frequently these days. So an update on whats going on in my life. I finally made the decision it was time to take my infertility a little more serious. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 5 years with no success. If you read my “About Me” section you know the back story but for those of you who haven’t read it,  I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome a few years ago which is my main reason why I can’t conceive on my own. We started getting treatments in 2010 and into 2011 but we decided to take a break in May of 2011 for a few different reasons. One being our insurance not willing to cover anymore diagnostic testing and treatments because they didn’t feel it was “medically necessary” and secondly from all the hormones, blood draws and weekly sonograms my body finally started to tell me it was time for a break. Mentally I was drained and hubby could see it in my face. With all the clomid rounds and the ovulation testing and well…..the “practicing” we were doing and every month the pregnancy test would be negative was so hard on me emotionally. I finally said….I NEED A BREAK.

 A year went by and I thought I was ready to start the process over again but then my insecurities and self-doubt really go the best of me. I kept thinking to myself, what if we go through this process and nothing works? What if I’m not able to give my husband the children that I know he longs for? What if I go back to the doctor to find out that I’ve done more harm to my body by “putting this off”? Should I have just sucked it up and went back sooner? What if one of the treatments finally work but I have a miscarriage? What if the doctor tells me that there is no hope? All of these thoughts kept racing through my head pretty much every second of everyday. So much that 2 years went by and finally hubby asked me….are you ready yet? I could see in his eyes that he really wanted to have children…he was ready to be a father and it wasn’t fair to him for me to be selfish any longer. I needed to go back and find out what the next step was. I really loved my doctor but when I called to schedule my appointment, I was notified he was leaving the practice. Now what was I going to do. So we decided why not go to the specialists at Shady Grove Fertility. It took me about 3 weeks to build up enough courage to schedule the appointment but I did it! One step down…..my appointment was scheduled for June 29th which was about a month away (at the time of course). It seemed like those 4 weeks flew by…and the appointment was all I could think about. I was both excited and nervous all at the same time.  Then the morning of my appointment finally arrived and I woke up in tears. I had never been so scared of going to the doctor in my entire life…..I felt like I was going to visit the doctor and he was going to either tell me my life wasn’t supposed to be spent being a mother or that he could help me. I was sitting on the bed and I broke down in tears….I looked at hubby and said….”I can’t do this. I can’t go to this doctor just for him to tell me that I will never be pregnant.” He looked at me and said the most loving thing ….”Honey, if you are not ready for this next step I will not push you to do it. Just know that I will always be your rock and if god wants us to have a child he will give both you and I the strength to get through this. We will get our family someday but if the journey doesn’t start today, I’m ok with that.” I fell in love with him all over again. I knew in the back of my mind he yearned for a child just as much as I did and I knew that if I didn’t push myself to take this step I would push it off for another year. I cried almost the entire way to the doctor’s office with hubby holding my hand the whole way there. I finally took a deep breath, opened the car door and made my way into the doctor’s office. Sitting in that waiting room was tough…and seemed like an eternity. Finally the doctor called our names and we walked back to his office and had a seat. I was finally calm…..until he sat down and asked me “What brings you in today?” I lost it! I broke down and cried so hard that I almost start hyperventilating. He looked at me and said, “You have already completed the hard part….you called and made the appointment. It’s all easy stuff now!” So after a few minutes and tissues later, I laid out my entire medical history for him which went a little like this…I have PCOS and I want a baby! He then went on to tell me about PCOS which I knew a little bit about already from my research. He went on to tell me exactly the course of treatment he wanted to take with me in detail which is amazing. To have a doctor really sit down with you and talk you through all of the stages and the course of treatment that they want to take with you is just amazing. He answered all of our questions and really put me at ease. Of course he would like me to continue to lose some more weight and congratulated me on my success so far! (oh and I’m 7 lbs from my goal and my birthday is next week…think I can do it??) The one thing that really put my mind at ease and really turned my head and heart around from the negative thoughts I was having was when he told me this…..”I’m not normally the type of person that will bet on anything….but I’ll beat we can get you pregnant before you know it!” Hearing those words and to see how confident he felt was like music to my ears. Once I left his office, I felt like 100 lbs was lifted from my shoulders. I could finally breath again and look forward to something.

Both hubby and I were sent to our primary care physician to get some blood work done which was about a week ago. Once our test resulted are in and our Shady Grove team review everything, we will finally be on our way to starting our family. I have nothing but positive thoughts about this whole process because negativity is not an option at this point. I have a new goal for myself this year and that is to finally be able to say….I’m pregnant!

xoxo,

Jen

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